Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. Let’s get this show on the road.
Hi Buddy! My name is Erin. Welcome to Perimeditation! Session 00 – Homecoming. I wanted to take a couple minutes before you dive in to introduce myself, and get you acclimated to what you can expect in our first session, and all future ones.
First, full disclosure. I do not have a certification in mindfulness, or prior experience leading meditation sessions. I have never been to a retreat in Bali where my true purpose was revealed to me. I’m a chef with a yoga mat and a long and storied history that very much needed grounding. After years of attempting meditation through “picture a forest” apps, and YouTube gurus, I grew tired of the mantras I was being “sold”, in the most commodified Insta-sense of the word. So I built my own personal practice, over the last 5 years. In the middle of loss and grief, self-medication turned sobriety, profound life shifts, and my inherent stubbornness that doesn’t let my circumstances dictate my trajectory. Life was harried, but quite manageable.
And then, here comes perimenopause, and it flipped the script, just when I thought I had settled into a pretty good place. Suddenly, I had a body that got very loud about being ignored, and enough already established awareness (and again, stubbornness) to figure out how to listen to it. Perimeditation was birthed out of that. Not as a curriculum or methodology with a trademark (yet). Just a practice that works for ME, handed over as-is, because I really did build this for me first, and I’m sharing it because I’m not going to hide it in a safe, like the “Eleven Herbs & Spices”. I’ve been quietly working on this particular iteration for about a year, but an abrupt professional upheaval lit the fire, and I busted out 7 essays, our opening session, social media, and this Substack in the matter of 2 weeks, because, like Ricky Bobby, I didn’t know what to do with my hands.
This is not my credential-free mea culpa. I believe in, and am proud of, what I’ve created thus far. It’s painfully self-aware, but I’m a glutton like that. Much like in culinary training, you can teach the basics, you can’t teach soul. You either have it or you don’t. You can teach someone technique, structure, breathing patterns. You cannot teach someone to mean it. And sincerity is my super-power.
Perimeditation is not a substitute for therapy, medication, professional support, or the hard work of actually dealing with your life. It is not going to fix anything on its own. It is a supplemental piece of the puzzle. Think of it like an opportunity to check in with yourself.
If you’ve never meditated before, don’t sweat it. You are not behind. No prior knowledge required here, and there is no “wrong way” to do it. The only rule is that you try to stay awake.
If you’ve had a meditation practice for years and are ready to try something a little more pragmatic than woo, this might be it. Or not. Honestly, I’m just happy you’re willing to give it a shot.
The Setup
A few things that actually matter when you sit down to do the thing:
Listen through headphones if you want the full binaural effect. Earbuds work fine. Over-ear works fine. If you don’t have headphones, it’ll work too, but using headphones is optimal.
Choose a space and time where you won’t be interrupted. Give the people who are home a 15-minute head’s up. That beats getting yanked out of a settled nervous system by someone asking where the good scissors are. And if finding that time and space at home is not practical, go to the park, or in emergency, listen in your car (but not while driving, please).
Find a position your body can be comfortable in for a while. Seated, lying down, back supported. On the floor, in the bath, or in bed under the covers. It all works. What doesn’t work is a position you’re white knuckling through.
Timing. Not right after a hard conversation, or at the end of the night when you’re already half gone. Mornings work well, as do mid-afternoons. The sweet spot is when you’re tired enough to slow down but awake enough to stay present.
DIY Demystified
I had never recorded anything for publication before I made this and had never even heard of the music production programs I used before I started. And I have done my fair shar of writing. Once upon a time I was the Cultural Editor for an independent news weekly in Tacoma, WA, but that was in the 1900’s.
What I AM is a DIY’er to the n’th degree and I had the realization that something big was missing in the mindfulness/meditation landscape. I knew what I wanted it to sound like and feel like, and waiting for someone more qualified to make it to my exact specifications was not a strategy I was willing to adopt. The “wellness” space is saturated with the same “pay to pray” model, and I was sick of wading through the commercialized woo, with tiers and supplemental products, and “an aesthetic”. I wanted something practical, accessible, not buried in jargon and paywalls. Simple and stripped down, which is something I think a lot of us Gen X girls relate to and appreciate! I kinda think of this as the “zine” version of what we’ve been sold up to this point.
I’m the one who critiques meditations while I’m in them. Noting where I disconnect, where the language feels inauthentic, where I get bored, where I am calculating how much time is left. I surface from those sessions with a mental of edits instead of a settled nervous system.
Binaural audio isn’t a new discovery for me, it was a deliberate choice. I’ve used it for years and watched what it does to MY nervous system when it’s running on high. What I couldn’t find anywhere was the combination I knew was possible: binaural frequencies, music that doesn’t feel like filler, and messaging that doesn’t insult your intelligence. That trifecta didn’t seem to exist. So I made it.
The music was generated with Suno, and inspired by some of my favorite bands. The frequencies were layered and mixed in Audacity, which is free, which matters, because accessibility was always part of the point. I recorded the spoken part of the session in my walk-in closet (The Meditation Station) full of hoodies, funky dresses, old concert tees, and too many pairs of flip flops. I bought a $50 USB microphone and did a lot of takes. The closet has good acoustics. The microphone cost less than a tank of gas (well maybe not currently). None of that is me being humble. It’s the whole ethos. I’m including liner notes at the end of each session with info on what bands inspired that sessions music, and why the frequencies for the binaural tones were selected. There is nothing mysterious or inaccessible about the way I did this. Transparency is the clearest path to trust, and I’m not going to make this process precious in any way, shape or form.
Now bring your whole self.
This is a “come as you are” thing. If you have a ritual, bring it. If you love your crystals, bring them. If you have a candle with a scent that means something to you, burn it. If you want to set an intention before you press play, go for it! Have something to sip on. I don’t care if it’s water, coffee, tea, a Diet Coke or a gin & tonic. All of it is welcome. Basically, anything that sets the stage for the space to feel different from the rest of your day.
My set up is a low wide soft chair I can criss-cross-applesauce and lean back in, an ottoman for my feet, a light blanket for my shoulders, my pink Beatz, a lit stick of Nag Champa, and my sticker covered Nalgene full of water.
What’s not here: a recommended product list. A supplemental guide, branded crystal set, or affiliate links at checkout. Perimeditation doesn’t require anything you don’t already own, and I’m NOT going to try to sell you the version of yourself that burns a $52 candle that I just happen to sell. Woo is ancient, personal, and valid. But woo as a marketing strategy is a different thing entirely, and we all know the difference when we see it.
Find your happy place. Get your headphones. And press play when you’re ready.
-erin perimeditate.substack.com
